Small resets for everyday life
— inspired by nature.

“Why We Want More — Even When It Doesn’t Feel Good”

This post explains the difference between wanting and liking — and why our brains sometimes push us to want things even when we don’t really enjoy them.

PSYCHOLOGY INSIGHTS

12/12/20252 min read

Study Snapshot: Why “Wanting” and “Liking” Are Different in the Brain

1. What the Study Looked At

Scientists wanted to understand how the brain handles reward — things we enjoy or desire.

They looked closely at two ideas:

“Wanting” — the strong drive to get something
“Liking” — the pleasure you feel when you actually get it

These two feelings are not the same, even though we often mix them up.

2. What They Found

The study showed:

The brain has different systems for wanting and liking.
“Wanting” uses a big, strong brain network (linked to dopamine), and it can become very powerful.
“Liking” depends on a smaller, weaker system — the pleasure part doesn’t always grow with wanting.
In some cases (like addiction research), people can want something a lot without feeling much pleasure when they get it.

So, wanting and liking can move in different directions — you can want a lot without actually liking much.

3. What This Means for Everyday Life

At home, we see this all the time:

A child keeps asking for one more snack, screen minute, or toy — even after they look bored or unhappy.
This may be because their brain’s wanting system is really loud, but their liking system is quiet.

It doesn’t mean they are spoiled.
It means their brain is strongly pulling them to want, even if the enjoyment is small.

Understanding this helps us respond with calm, not frustration.

4. Small Reset Habits

You don’t have to fix everything at once — just try one small habit today:

Pause for a moment
Take a slow breath before answering “yes” or “no.”

Get closer
Sit near your child. Gentle touch helps them feel safe.

Move a bit
Take one slow walk, even inside. Change of place resets attention.

Use objects
Give a small object to hold — a cup, toy, leaf — to shift focus.

Speak simple words
Try:

“I hear you.”
“Let’s try this.”
“It’s okay.”

Then wait — let the moment settle.

The goal is connection and calm, not perfect behaviour.

Reference

Berridge, K. C., & Robinson, T. E. (2016).
Liking, wanting, and the incentive-sensitization theory of addiction.
American Psychologist, 71(8), 670–679.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27977239/