Why Letting Go of Perfect Parenting Helps Your Child

Many children feel pressure to be perfect.
This post looks at how parents’ stress and style can slowly shape that feeling.

1. What This Study Looked At

Researchers wanted to understand why some children are very hard on themselves.

They looked at everyday families and asked simple questions:

• How do parents act when children make mistakes?

• How much pressure do parents put on themselves?

• How does this affect how children think and feel?

The study focused on parent stress, parenting style, and children’s perfectionism.

In simple words:
It looked at how home life teaches children to fear mistakes — or feel safe with them.

2. What They Found

The researchers noticed a few clear patterns.

Children copy parents more than we think
Girls often copy their mothers.
Boys often copy their fathers.
Not just words — but tone, reactions, and stress.

Very strict parenting increases pressure
When mistakes are criticized often,
children learn: “I must not fail.”

Very loose parenting can also cause stress
When rules are unclear,
children worry about being judged by others.

Warm and steady parenting helps most
Clear rules + kindness = less fear.
Children feel safer to try, fail, and learn.

Perfectionism does not appear suddenly.
It grows slowly, from small daily moments.

3. What This Means for Everyday Family Life

Perfectionism is not about high goals.
It is about fear.

A child under pressure may:

• be scared of mistakes

• worry about disappointing others

• feel anxious or tense

• lose confidence

• avoid new challenges

Over time, this can steal joy from learning and play.

Children do not need perfect parents.
They need safe parents.

Parents who feel human.
Parents who allow mistakes — in kids and in themselves.

4. Small Reset Habits

You don’t need big changes.
Try just one small thing today.

Change the words
Say: “You tried. That’s enough.”

Normalize mistakes
Share one small mistake you made today.

Pause before correcting
Sit together. Breathe. Then speak.

Step outside briefly
A short walk. Look at the sky. Feel the air.

Simple phrases matter:

• “You don’t need to be perfect.”

• “We can learn together.”

Keep it gentle.
Connection matters more than correction.

Reference

Carmo, C., Oliveira, D., Brás, M., & Faísca, L. (2021).
The influence of parental perfectionism and parenting styles on child perfectionism.
Children, 8(9), 777.
https://doi.org/10.3390/children8090777