How Did I Become a Perfectionist?

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is when a person sets very high standards for themselves. They want everything to go perfectly and feel upset when it doesn’t. A perfectionist might think that making mistakes is a failure. This can make them feel stressed, anxious, and sometimes even sad.

Why Do People Become Perfectionists?

There are several reasons why someone might become a perfectionist. Many of these reasons come from our early life experiences, how we were raised, and how we see the world.

1. Parents’ High Expectations
   Many perfectionists grow up with parents who expect a lot from them. Parents may push their children to get good grades, do well in sports, or always behave perfectly. When children feel like they must meet these high expectations, they can become perfectionists later in life. According to research, parents who are very controlling or demanding can make their children more likely to become perfectionists (Soenens et al., 2008).

2. Fear of Disappointment
   Some people become perfectionists because they are afraid of disappointing others. They want to make sure they never let anyone down. This can come from wanting to please parents, teachers, or friends. Studies show that when people fear criticism or disappointment, they may try to be perfect to avoid these feelings (Flett & Hewitt, 2002).

3. Society’s Pressure
   Society often tells us that we need to be perfect. We see images of "perfect" people on social media, TV, and magazines. This can make us feel like we are not good enough unless we are perfect too. The pressure to be perfect in school, work, and relationships can make some people become perfectionists.

4. Personality
   Some people naturally have personalities that are more likely to lead to perfectionism. They are very focused on details and want to do their best in everything. This can be a good thing, but if it becomes too extreme, it can turn into perfectionism.

How Does Perfectionism Affect Us?

Perfectionism can affect different parts of our lives. It can make us feel stressed, anxious, and even depressed. Perfectionists often feel tired because they are always trying so hard. They may also feel disappointed because things do not turn out exactly as they want. According to research, perfectionism is linked to mental health problems like anxiety and depression (Smith et al., 2016).

Can We Stop Being Perfectionists?

The good news is that perfectionism is something we can change. If you notice that perfectionism is making you feel bad, here are some things you can try:

1. Be Kind to Yourself: Remember, nobody is perfect! It’s okay to make mistakes.

2. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfect, aim for “good enough.” It’s better to finish a task than to keep waiting for perfection.

3. Take Breaks: Perfectionists often work too hard. Make sure you take time to relax and enjoy life.

4. Talk About It: Sometimes talking to a friend or a counselor can help you understand where your perfectionism comes from and how to handle it.

Conclusion

Perfectionism often starts when we are young, from our parents, society, or our own personality. While it can feel good to aim for high standards, it can also cause stress and make us feel bad. By understanding why we became perfectionists, we can learn how to find balance and enjoy life more.

References

Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2002). Perfectionism and maladjustment: An overview of theoretical, definitional, and treatment issues. Perfectionism: Theory, research, and treatment, 5-31.

Smith, M. M., Sherry, S. B., & Saklofske, D. H. (2016). Perfectionism and mental health: A meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 72(3), 205-217.

Soenens, B., Vansteenkiste, M., & Luyten, P. (2008). Perfectionism, control, and parenting: A psychological perspective. Parenting: Science and Practice, 8(3), 255-268.