Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself: Why Being Kind to Yourself is Better Than Burnout

The Connection Between Being Too Hard on Yourself and Burnout

Burnout happens when you feel completely exhausted, unmotivated, and unable to enjoy your work. It's a common problem for freelancers and remote workers because they often don't have the same support or structure as traditional office workers (Maslach et al., 2001). Many people think that pushing themselves harder will help them achieve more, but that often leads to burnout.

Research shows that people who are too self-critical, meaning they are too harsh on themselves when things go wrong, are more likely to experience burnout. A 2018 study by Ceja and Navarro found that being too focused on perfection increases stress and makes it harder to keep going. On the other hand, people who practice self-compassion (being kind to themselves) handle setbacks better and are less likely to burn out (Neff, 2011).

Why Self-Kindness Helps You Succeed

Self-compassion is not about being lazy or giving up. It's about treating yourself with care and understanding, just as you would treat a friend. Instead of beating yourself up when things don't go perfectly, self-compassion helps you stay calm and keep going.

Research by Neff (2011) shows that people who are kind to themselves are more resilient, meaning they can bounce back from difficulties faster. They don't let mistakes or failures stop them, but instead, they learn from them and move forward.

Another benefit of self-compassion is that it leads to better emotional well-being. A study by Zessin et al. (2015) found that people who are kind to themselves feel happier and less anxious. When you're in a better emotional state, you're more likely to focus and get things done.

Burnout Paralysis: When Being Too Harsh Stops You from Doing Anything

One of the worst effects of being too hard on yourself is burnout paralysis. This happens when you’re so overwhelmed by stress and perfectionism that you can’t do anything. Instead of being productive, you end up frozen, unsure where to start. A study by Bianchi, Schonfeld, and Laurent (2015) found that burnout affects how well your brain works, making it harder to focus, remember things, or make decisions.

Self-compassion helps prevent this. Instead of getting stuck, being kind to yourself allows you to take a break when needed, recharge, and come back stronger. Taking breaks and being gentle with yourself isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a smart way to keep working effectively over time (Sirois & Kitner, 2015).

How to Be Kinder to Yourself

1. Recognize Your Feelings
   The first step in being kind to yourself is accepting your feelings. If you're stressed or overwhelmed, it's okay to feel that way. Don't judge yourself for it. Acknowledging your emotions helps you move through them more easily (Neff, 2011).

2. Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
   Think about how you would talk to a close friend in your situation. You would probably offer support and understanding, not harsh criticism. Try speaking to yourself with the same kindness.

3. Take Breaks When Needed
   Breaks are important for keeping your mind and body refreshed. When you're feeling tired or stuck, give yourself permission to take a break. It will help you come back to your work with more energy.

4. Learn from Mistakes
   Instead of seeing mistakes as failures, see them as learning opportunities. This shift in mindset will help you stay positive and focused on improving, rather than getting discouraged.

Conclusion: Kindness Over Harshness for Long-Term Success

Pushing yourself too hard and being overly critical doesn’t lead to more success—it leads to burnout. Instead, practicing self-compassion allows you to stay motivated, bounce back from challenges, and maintain your well-being. By treating yourself with kindness and taking breaks when needed, you can avoid burnout and stay productive over the long term.

Remember, success isn’t about being perfect. It’s about finding balance, being kind to yourself, and staying consistent. Being too hard on yourself doesn’t help—being kind does.

References

Bianchi, R., Schonfeld, I. S., & Laurent, E. (2015). Burnout-depression overlap: A review. Clinical Psychology Review, 36, 28-41. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2015.01.004

Ceja, L., & Navarro, J. (2018). "Suddenly I get into the zone": Examining discontinuities and nonlinear changes in flow experiences at work. Human Relations, 71(8), 1009-1030. https://doi.org/10.1177/0018726717739147

Maslach, C., Schaufeli, W. B., & Leiter, M. P. (2001). Job burnout. Annual Review of Psychology, 52(1), 397-422. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.52.1.397

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1-12. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2010.00330.x

Sirois, F. M., & Kitner, R. (2015). Less striving, more thriving: The benefits of self-compassion for goal pursuit. Personality and Individual Differences, 87, 230-235. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2015.08.029

Zessin, U., Dickhäuser, O., & Garbade, S. (2015). The relationship between self-compassion and well-being: A meta-analysis. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 7(3), 340-364. https://doi.org/10.1111/aphw.12051